Satire: Robert Kirby: I Want My “New Intern with Long Legs” Too

The Tribune shares their excrement in exchange for everyone else sharing their treasures!

By Robert Kirby, Male Bovine Excrement Production Manager, SL Tribune


Recently, I produced a steaming pile of hot garbage titled “I want my LDS Church stimulus check.”

Some people have questioned my motivations… but really, it comes down to the simple concept of SHARING things you HAVE a lot of.

And it’s a fact – the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, through practicing the diligent and careful money management they preach, has acquired a good sum of money.

They should share it – not just on beautiful buildings, or important maintenance, or funding for meaningful activities, they should SHARE it with ME (who does not have a lot of money) so I can win big in Wendover.

But as a matter of principle, it should not just be the church that shares things they have a lot of.

For example, I HAVE decades of experience hitting on people of the opposite gender… and I noticed that really pretty long-legged eighteen-year-old intern who does not have a lot of years of experience hitting on people of the opposite gender… so I’m going to SHARE my experience with HER!

And hopefully, because she HAS a lot of leg, she’ll SHARE with ME!

And it’s not just hypothetical… I practice what I preach. For example, I HAVE a lot of male bovine excrement that I create every time I write… and I am willing to SHARE it with YOU! You’re welcome!


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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