Satire: Dear BYU-I, Sister Savage Has Reviled Against Our Law, and Our Lawyers and Judges

<Satire>

Dear BYU-I,

I represent a group called the New Ecclesiastical High Order Of Righteousness, and it has come to my attention that one of your professors, Sister Savage, has spoken against our law, and our lawyers and judges.

She had the audacity to have political opinions, and post them on the internet!

Now you might be tempted to say that this view is hypocritical, particularly from an organization whose motto is “No Enterprise Has Objective Righteousness,” but of course using the hashtag #DezNat is different. Also, asking me to explain the difference is sexist.

In addition to demanding that she be immediately terminated with prejudice, I would also like to take all the works from which she taught and burn them. Ideally, she would be bound in cords and forced to watch… perhaps while I taunt her. I think it is particularly fitting since Nothing Exemplifies Hate-speech On the same level as “Repentance” – which she shamelessly and repeatedly promoted.

And remember, you must do what I say, or I’ll accuse you of being a racist and sexist organization… just like I did yesterday… and the day before… and the day before that…

Plus, if you don’t do what I say, I’ll email you Rachel Steenblik poems daily until you capitulate.

Sincerely,
Kristine A.

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Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.