Satire: Joanna Brooks Received “Mission” To Expose Church History As “Weird” During Séance

<Satire>

By Joanna Brooks, Author, Crusader for troubled spirits

Some people in the church have questioned my motives for trying to portray the vast majority of church leadership before 1990 as weird, bad, and racist. While it certainly garners me a lot of attention (which I promise I don’t crave), and woke points with my political colleagues (whose sacred views I would never attack), I actually have a very different motivation for churning out questionable material that erodes faith.

Some time back, I became acquainted with the lovely folks at the Salt Lake Tribune, and they invited me to take part in a special tradition going back to the very roots of the history of their newspaper – a séance.

At first, I was uncomfortable with the idea, but as everyone donned their ceremonial attire and lit incense, I decided I would go along with it.

After a few minutes, an actual spirit came and told us the following profound message: “everyone you disagree with politically who lived during the 19th Century was racist.”

The spirit’s voice, which sounded amazingly similar to the voice of Salt Lake Tribune writer Robert Kirby, gave me the confidence I needed to focus with laser-like precision on former church leaders.

Guidance from subsequent séances helped steer me away from the history of the Salt Lake Tribune, or from looking carefully at the history of any progressives from the 1850s to the 1990s. Besides, I’m certain it would not reveal any weird or racist ideas at all. Otherwise, the spirits at the séances would have told me… right?

So criticize me all you like, but don’t criticize my mission – because even though it’s not remotely guided by the Holy Spirit, it is definitely informed by other spirits!

</Satire>

Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.