Satire: In ‘dark day’ for faithless Latter-day Saint Subscribers to the Salt Lake Tribune, Oaks teaches “Trust in the Lord.”

‘Dark Days’ are the norm for the faithless

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by Peggy Fletcher Slackoth

Earlier this month, I wrote an article titled “In ‘dark day’ for transgender Latter-day Saints, Oaks defines gender as ‘biological at birth’.” Of course, this was before the 189th Semi-Annual General Conference of the church I so loathe.

President Oaks described the need for members of the church to “trust in the Lord,” a reference to a hateful and archaic book known as the Bible.

“It really flies in the face of everything I stand for,” explained one person at the Conference Center distributing anti-Mormon pamphlets. “He has now warped the scriptures to be of no use to me at all…”

The radical wing of the church, consisting of those who think Jesus is real, responded to my questions by asking, “Isn’t that obvious?” and “why would you take issue with an apostle teaching to trust in the Lord? That’s not unusual at all.” One particularly hateful member stated, “that’s as natural as the sun rising in the east, or the differences between men and women.”

Even though this response was rude and I was totally justified when I flipped him off and told him where to go, it got me thinking about how frequently the leaders of the church have caused ‘dark days.’ Here are some notable examples:

  • As noted in my previous article (please give me likes and shares), when President Oaks taught, “gender is ‘biological at birth'”
  • When my Bishop told me ‘the church is true’
  • When President Oaks counseled people should ‘trust in the Lord’ (please keep subscribing to the Tribune)
  • When my Bishop advised me to ‘read the scriptures’
  • When President Gordon B. Hinckley taught ‘things aren’t as bad as they seem’
  • When my Bishop told me I should ‘stop drinking coffee whether or not I mix vodka into it’
  • When President Spencer W. Kimball proclaimed there was a ‘miracle of forgiveness’
  • When my Bishop advised me that ‘pornography was bad’
  • When President Russell M. Nelson shared with the members how much he loves and appreciates them
  • When my Bishop told me ‘smoking crack is not only illegal but could cause serious and permanent problems’ for me
  • When Brigham Young prophetically declared ‘this is the right place’

There are so many dark days in the church’s history, I don’t know why anyone is still a member. It’s as obvious as the differences between men and women I mean… oh never mind…

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Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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