Satire: Blogger realizes that men also cause 100% of wanted pregnancies

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By Gabrielle Blair

With the recent abortion laws, a post I wrote in September of 2018 has been circulating again, in which I argued that men are responsible for 100% of unwanted pregnancies.

I discussed how, even though I am a member of a church that condemns almost all abortions, decrees the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed, and promotes the obligation of husbands and wives to jointly bring forth children in love and righteousness — the sexual desires of men in combination with their biological functions are the sole culprits of unwanted pregnancies and society should be more permissive of abortion.

I have since used a little bit of reason, a tactic I completely avoided in my original post, to realize in addition to the blame I have thrown completely upon males, they also deserve 100% of the credit in cases where a pregnancy is wanted.

Now, you may be thinking, “it takes two to tango.” While I used to agree in the cases of wanted pregnancies, I have realized the hot garbage I was peddling invalidates this idea as well… if I am to be consistent.

Let’s start with this: women are only fertile for an average of 24 days per year. According to basic biology, men are fertile 365 days a year.

What about birth control? Great question. No form of birth control, except for abstinence, is 100% effective. A couple engaging in intimacy always risks the potential for pregnancy regardless of how much hassle it is for either party to use it. That means, sometimes, even when birth control is employed, a woman could become unexpectedly pregnant. Not only this, a woman could… get this… still love and want the child! Even the irresponsible father, or more accurately, “the responsible party,” could love the child! The child could still be reared by a father and mother who love each other and honor their marital vows with complete fidelity!

And pleasure isn’t even a factor. Women can have nonstop pleasure and never become pregnant unless a man is present to contribute his sperm. After my previous attempts to demonize men for enjoying intimacy with their wives, I have come to realize was wrong. This natural desire in males is part of the reason that human beings continue to be born into this wonderful world that God gave to us!

Let’s move to the topic of responsibility. Often, men don’t know if they’ve caused a pregnancy. In order to be responsible, they are completely dependent upon the woman to inform them.

That means a man may never know that he had an opportunity to be a responsible father if a woman conceals the truth and chooses to kill the unborn child. Even if a male is responsible for this pregnancy, how could he be held responsible if the truth was hidden from him? I realize now that this is just another good reason that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Under the protection of the marriage covenant, a woman is more likely to share the news that can help an innocent new child enjoy the benefits of being reared by a father — an ideal experience.

In fact, as I have thought about this, I realized that there are actually a lot of wanted children out there, being born every day… new children, who in many cases, are born into families in which a father presides with love and goodness in his home.

This isn’t to say that women are unnecessary or that the sacrifices made by mothers are insignificant… it’s just pointing out that every time a child is conceived, a man was responsible. 100% of the time!

Thank you, men! Particularly men who are responsible fathers, who live their commitments and follow God’s pattern for bringing new children into the world.

In my mind, men deserve 100% of the credit!

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Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.