Satire: What is Meant by “Justice” – SJW Accidentally Publishes Editor Comments

By Connor Descending

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has recently invited people to express what they call “gratitude.” Here’s why that’s a terrible idea:

Not everyone has a reason to be grateful… especially me! (use “minorities” instead of yourself, it makes people think we are less selfish). Just this morning, the barista put two scoops of sugar instead of the three I specifically asked for! (write something about the worker dismissing the gay man who was next to you in line… then mention how you shamed the barista for ignoring the vulnerable in our community) An unhealthy obsession with gratitude would leave us in denial about the wrongs perpetrated by the privileged every day. (Yassss queen! This is exactly the kind of baloney people will click and read!)

Members of the church are posting pictures of their happy families and cheerful friends… all while blissfully pretending that it’s OK that I DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND (something about police brutality or healthcare here… I mean… no offense… but anyone who looks up your picture will know exactly why you don’t have a girlfriend)

And how insensitive is it for people to post pictures about all the modern conveniences they enjoy? I totally deserve a nice car and a new phone and a four-bedroom house more than those self-righteous alt-right neo-fascist geo-political religious snobs! (Again, you’ve got to avoid specifics like this… anyone with a quick google search will confirm the reason you don’t have these things is because you were drunk driving while using your new phone, and drove your nice car into the front room of your parent’s four-bedroom house. On the other hand, calling all of them alt-right fascists might still fit in to our larger narrative, so stick with that)

President Nelson can paint this as “healing” all he wants… gratitude is actually assault and battery to those of us who deserve more that you. (Use phrases like “victims of injustice” so they don’t pick up on the fact that “justice” actually means “envy.” I do like the assault and battery bit though… that’s exactly how we want people to think of positive and grateful people! Anyway, make those changes and it will be good to publish!)

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Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.