Satire: Wealthy Young Man Claims He was Unwilling to Sell Possessions and Follow Jesus Because, “It’s Who I Am”

God doesn’t want me to be happy if He wants me to give up what makes me happy!


By James Yot

I’m a good guy. I have been taught the scriptures and kept the sabbath, but I heard about this teacher – Jesus of Nazareth. Some said he was a great prophet, or even the Messiah. I was interested in hearing what he was teaching.

So when I finally got a chance to talk to him, I asked him what I needed to do to have eternal life. Instead of taking me seriously, he just gave me these cop-out answers about keeping the commandments. I already do that! I wanted him to give me something more profound. So I asked him what else I lacked.

Out of nowhere, he asked me to sell all of my possessions, give the money to the poor, and follow him!

Insane, right?

I obviously can’t give up the stuff that I like because my wealth is part of who I am! Plus, if a church asks you to give up money, isn’t that like buying your way into heaven?

To me, it just wouldn’t be heaven if I didn’t get to indulge every impulse, passion, and desire that I have in life. Plus, God wants me to be happy, right? And giving up the things that make me who I am would prohibit me from being happy! He’s the one who made me this way!

I’m convinced that it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than to follow Jesus of Nazareth.


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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