Satire: ProgMo Public Figure Certain Prophet Will Praise Her Political Views This Conference

Local Instagram feminist preys, uh, prays she doesn’t suffer disappointment once again.


By Dr Julie Hanks

I always look forward to General Gonference. I know that’s true of many members of the church, but usually they are looking for guidance, inspiration, and motivation to improve their lives.

My feelings are sort of like that, except I just want the prophet to recognize the validity of my political and social views.

I mean, I know, Jesus and faith and repentance and the covenant path… it’s a part of our history, so we have to understand it… but I know from my Instagram account that people are hoping for more modern solutions – like not repenting. No one has ever suggested that.

And I know the Book of Mormon is “the” “word” “of” “God” but women really need a less masculine text to inform their decisions, such as The Assertiveness Guide for Women, by me. Of course, it’s more valuable because missionaries literally give the Book of Mormon away for free, but my book is on Amazon.

The past 190 years of General Conferences have been total disappointments, but this year, I am confident that the Brethren will finally affirm my opinions. Plus, my testimony is as solid as a house of cards on a windy day, so if the prophet doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, anything that happens after is basically his fault.


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

1 thought on “Satire: ProgMo Public Figure Certain Prophet Will Praise Her Political Views This Conference

  1. You know, I just read a post from someone basically demanding exactly this. They wanted outright condemnation of their political opponents and affirmation of their political opinions. They even went as far as to say the prophet should tell people that wearing a mask is more important than the temple garment.

    After reading that to read this was rather fun and refreshing.

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