Satire: New ExMo – “If Joseph Smith Actually did that, Shouldn’t We Follow Him?”

New ExMo unwittingly notices a double-standard which brings about a quick second excommunication.


by HappyApostate, new ex-member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I finally had my orientation today with Grand Scoobah and Zelph on the Shelf. I was really excited to learn from the experienced guys who have been fighting against the church for years… and especially when I heard our first topic – Joseph Smith.

To my surprise, they immediately accused him of being a pedophile. I mean, even I’ve read enough to know that there is zero evidence of him having any children except with Emma, and that “for eternity only” sealings were real.

But what really threw me off was the double-standard… I mean, Zelph has LOTS of pictures of little girls with skimpy outfits, and Grand Scoobah regularly watches porn that portrays young boys and girls…

Finally I asked them.

“Hey guys… if we actually believe that Joseph Smith is a pedophile, then shouldn’t we follow him?”

So then they kicked me out… and get this… without returning my sacrificial goat. I guess it just goes to show that if you can’t trust people who spend 100% of their time trying to attack others and make them miserable, who can you trust?


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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