Satire: Man Upset a Prophet He Doesn’t Believe In Ignores His Requests

Why won’t the Prophet adjust church teachings for those who don’t believe in him?

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Frank, a 45-year-old shelf replenishing engineer that lives in West Valley and balances his time putting on eyeliner and attacking the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, recently complained about how church President Russell M. Nelson seemed to be ignoring the needs of people in the state.

“We keep asking for the same things,” explained Frank in exasperation. “We just want to have gay temple weddings, we want the church to fund gender transitions, and we want to be loved even if we identify as Pokemon on social media…But it’s like he doesn’t even hear what we’re saying. How self-righteous does a person have to be to not even listen?!”

When asked about whether he listened to the prophet, Frank became defensive.

“I don’t see what remembering what President Nelson said in General Conference has to do with anything,” exclaimed Frank. “It’s probably the same stuff as always…Honestly, I don’t listen to what he’s saying. It’s easier when I don’t hear it.”

When reminded about the prophet’s invitations to repent and come to Christ, Frank flipped us off, screamed profanities, and cried until his black eyeliner streaked down his large face.

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Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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