Satire: “Jesus Said to Love Everyone!” Shouts Cannibal as He Licks His Lips
A local cannibal laments not being accepted for loving as he knows how.
By Suuatanitac
I am really surprised by the bigotry of so many left-leaning Christians. They claim to be all about acceptance and tolerance, but they don’t accept or tolerate me at all.
It’s because I’m a cannibal.
So the same people who hold signs saying “love is love” and “Jesus said to love everyone” have a problem with the way I love people. Their prejudice is hurtful… especially because I love them.
Just the other day, I saw a guy that I’ll call “Gordo Miguel”… and it was love at first sight. I can just imagine the tender muscle that has never been used and the moisture locked in by the layers of… insulation…
That’s the thing. I don’t care if a person has dark skin or light skin… if they are thin or fat… traditional or a pink-haired, dark-mustached, tattooed, lesbian with a heavy gold nose ring and a much-too-tight rainbow t-shirt. (Imagine that in the slow cooker!)
Jesus said to love everyone – and I love everyone!
Sorry… I just had a little saliva drip out of my mouth… Where was I? Oh yeah… so don’t hate me because I love differently than you do… I just think everyone can be delicious!
Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.