Satire: Jeremy T. Runnells: “#DezNat drove me to drink”

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By Jeremy T. Runnells

I’m no stranger to conflict. I knew when I wrote what is now the “CES Letter” that it would make a lot of people upset, but I convinced myself it was for the greater good. I had to make people aware of the hidden truths the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints never teaches us in Sunday School.

At first, it worked out well for me. I even made some money off of attacking testimonies. I became proud, perhaps over-confident. I could just bring up “tapirs” and most members of the church would not know about actual evidence of horses in North America. If they had, I could bring up “the Book of Abraham” and most members would not know most of what Joseph Smith had is lost, and so we actually don’t know if he mistranslated anything.

Finally, if all else failed, I could point to polygamy. Even the most scholarly apologists tend to apologize for Joseph Smith and Brigham Young… that is, until I met #DezNat.

All my reasoning, all the facts I had gathered (and the ones I had deliberately ignored and avoided)… I tried everything… but they destroyed me with one simple word… “So?”

They can’t just say so! They have to make excuses for church history! They are supposed to be embarrassed by it! But they still believe everything! The prophetic call of Joseph Smith, the truth of the Book of Mormon, the leadership of President Nelson, and the divinity of Jesus Christ. This is intolerable!

Anyway, every day is tough… and only copious amounts of Vodka seem to help.

Listen, I’m sorry to talk your ear off… and you’re right, I should probably take this to an AA meeting rather than a State Liquor Store sales associate at 11 a.m… And I apologize for drinking half this bottle before paying… Also… can you give me a ride or call me an Uber or something?

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Check out “The TBM Letter” from our friend @ConflictJustice.

Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.