Satire: Good Man Denied Entrance Into Heaven For Not Posting Black Square

Man learns the hard way what really matters in this life.


By Margaret Forest-Holmes, Reporter for the Substandard Exaggerator

Nathan Evans, remembered by those who knew him as “selfless” and “generous” was just cast into the fiery pits of hell after being judged at the pearly gates.

Though he replaced his vacation budget every year with donations to help struggling individuals in his community and spent hours volunteering at clinics for the disadvantaged, and though he never went a day without faithful prayer and devoted scripture study, and lived a life free of wrath, pride, envy, lust, greed, sloth, and gluttony… he committed one transgression that doomed his immortal soul.

In 2020, he failed to change his profile picture to a black square on his social media sites.

It’s a solemn reminder that it doesn’t matter what you do in life to try to be good, if you don’t comply with the shifting systematic and institutional standards we place upon society – you get what you deserve.

In totally unrelated news, we would also like to remind businesses and individuals everywhere it is now pride month… and we look forward to seeing all the rainbows everywhere.


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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