Satire: ExMo Avoids Following Prophet’s Voice at all Costs


Tech giants constantly seek ways to improve the user experience for their products and services. Car navigation is no exception, and when the opportunity to feature the clear, friendly, and cheerful voice of Russell M. Nelson, former heart surgeon and current President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, experts expressed confidence.

But a problem arose when testing the new voice navigation system – particularly with bitter ex-members.

“He told me to choose the right,” complained area shyster John Dehlin. “Like I was supposed to just take his word for it? I’m not allowed to ask questions?”

Dehlin’s independent investigation resulted in his vehicle smashing into a brick wall. He and everyone traveling with him experienced minor injuries.

“We assumed that an intelligent experienced leader who has spread happiness and helped people improve themselves would be a good choice for navigation,” explained Aaron Baker, an engineer who worked on the project. “I guess we underestimated the irrational compulsions of some people.”

“If they just want us to follow without questioning, they could have used Richard Dawkins, Bill Nye, or Kate Kelly…” added Dehlin. “But I’m not going to do anything that President Nelson says, no matter how reasonable it is!”


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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