Satire: Demon Motorcycle Corp Designer Unveils “Pride-Cycle”

A bike as useful as pride will inevitably reel in unsuspecting victims


Yesterday, Demon Motorcycle Corporation unveiled their newest product: the “Pride-Cycle.”

“It’s the perfect vehicle for showing your neighbors how inferior they are,” said Bill Zebub, spokesman for Demon Motorcycle Corp.

There are numerous customization options for the bike, including the following:

  • Gold plating to show you are more wealthy and successful than those dirty poor people with dented bikes
  • Rugged “distress” marks to show you are more down-to-earth than those snobs with gold-plated bikes
  • A smaller engine to show that unlike your neighbor with a truck, you care about the planet
  • A larger engine to show that unlike your neighbor with a Prius, you will not be eating bugs
  • A system that causes the exhaust to be rainbow-colored to express how your sexual orientation is a good reason to be proud, unless that orientation is straight – you’re better than them
  • A system that causes the exhaust to be extra dark to express how you implement your fight against white supremacy into every aspect of your life, unlike your ex-wife who married you

“What’s great about the Pride-Cycle is its efficiency,” said Bill Zebub. “It gives you the sense that you’ve gone further than those around you, without actually going anywhere!”

Some analysts doubt whether consumers will be interested in something that provides no value but still asserts superiority of every kind.

“Why would you invest in something that accomplishes nothing? That’s dumb!” said one shopper.

Others suggest that it is the very nature of human beings to fall for these stupid tricks.

“Sure, it seems stupid,” explained Bill Zebub. “But we still have people quoting the equally useless CES Letter! People absolutely fall for the same tricks over and over again.”


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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