Satire: Come, Follow Me Manuals Are Updated… What Do You Think?

Members from varying worldviews gave their input on the manual update:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints updated the Come, Follow Me manual to provide additional information about the curse that came upon the Lamanites. We asked several people to share their views:

Ingrid Forest, Multi-level Marketing Guru:

I applaud the change because the old manual that said the curse was not related to skin color was racist. The new manual that says the curse was not related to skin color is much less racist.

Simon Wesley, Redditor and Professional Collector of Social Security:

This change doesn’t go far enough. I mean, even though I don’t study the Book of Mormon and have nothing but contempt for members of their church, and spend hours going between adult videos and advertising the CES Letter, I thought the church should have replaced their manual with my latest Reddit post.

Adolfina Sanders, National Socialism Enthusiast:

Why are they saying skin color is unimportant? That’s just what I would expect from some white boys in Utah. They don’t understand their privilege. If they really want to correct their manual, they will strip out all the positive things about Israel from the Book of Mormon.

Steven Anderson, Software Engineer:

I don’t understand what the big deal is. The church didn’t really remove anything, they just added some additional information. Neither one was a problem, and either way, I’m grateful the church is trying to encourage people to study the Book of Mormon because nothing has made a more positive impact on my life.

Jane Deese, Cherry-picked Mormon Studies:

The Brethren clearly don’t know what they’re talking about, so I have once again offered my own suggestions for “thinking Saints” while the rubes “Follow the Prophet.”

Connor Meyers, Student:

I knew it! I knew one of the three Nephites was gay! I knew… what? That’s not the change? Well, I guess homophobia is alive and well…

Racheeel Steeeeenbleck, Poet:


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

Leave a Reply