Satire: Cancer Research Reveals Most Neglected Prevention Method Is Blocking BCC

It isn’t satire that #BCCisSpiritualCancer

Medical Researchers are constantly looking for new ways to fight cancer. Some of their recommended practices are well-known, such as avoiding smoking or the chewing of tobacco.

One newly discovered method has proven to be very effective prevention against spiritual cancer: blocking the social media accounts for By Common Consent.

“They tend to hijack a person’s natural desires to learn into creating endless amounts of nuance until the person can justify almost any behavior,” explains Doctor Jack Harris of the Cancer Research Foundation. “I’ve seen reasonable people, under the influence of this cancer, suffer paranoid delusions that their church is secretly plotting against them.”

According to researchers, the common sense understanding that men and women are different and important is attacked by this form of cancer, until the victim is screaming on twitter about how The Family: A Proclamation to the World is “hate speech,” and the Canadian province of Manitoba should be renamed “Peopletoba.”

One sufferer was found rocking back and forth in the fetal position murmuring, “how can the leaders of my church be inspired if they don’t agree with every last one of my political views?”

“What a lot of people don’t realize is social media allows you to block and unfollow By Common Consent…” explains Doctor Harris. “And unlike treatments for other cancers, removing BCC is easy, painless, and has no negative side effects. Even for individuals who don’t think they are at risk for spiritual cancer, it is still recommended for everyone to avoid BCC.”

Nine out of 10 researchers agreed that the 25 thousand followers of this account could improve their spiritual health and wellness by eliminating BCC from their lives… and it should be noted that the tenth researcher who dissented had blue hair and an enormous forehead.

Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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