Satire: BYU Official Returns to Bring Honor Code Clarity, Finds Students Worshiping a Rainbow Calf

And they claim not to want to be commanded in all things…


Steve Smith, an official in the Honor Code office, walked down the hall to provide requested clarity to the BYU Honor Code. The guidelines were recently in the news for removing a section on “homosexual behavior” without providing any details on whether dating, kissing, and hand-holding would now be permitted between homosexuals, heterosexuals, or crazy cat ladies (who prefer the term “paw-holding”).

Smith explained to a Daily Universe reporter as he moved toward the exit, “we really feel like our students are mature individuals that comprehend the standards and the reasoning behind them, and no longer require explicit instructions for every type of behavior.”

The administration concluded that if staff simply encouraged correct principles, people would know that dating, kissing, and hand-holding should be closely related to prospects for marriage between a man and woman because it is the foundation of families, which form the basis for societies everywhere.

“Itemizing every inappropriate behavior is like what Moses had to do… because the children of Israel were spiritually immature,” explained Smith. “I’m just going to provide some clarity on the general principles.”

As the doors opened, Smith was greeted by hundreds of nude BYU students who were divided into groups either performing vulgar acts or worshiping a rainbow calf that had been propped up near the Wilkinson Center.

When asked what Smith thought about giving in to the progressive “woke” activists, he stormed back into the administration building without additional comment.


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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