Satire: Activist Mom Gets Equality, Only in the Form of Her Kids Choosing Their Own Bedtime

Little children force SJW mom to eat her own words.


Brittany Welks, a 20-year-old single mother of two children, used to be concerned with inequality. As an activist, she participated in marches, protests, social media campaigns, and other activities.

“Yeah, I was a social justice warrior,” said Brittany in an exhausted voice. “I even stood up to the patriarchy at church…”

Brittany clarified that “standing up to the patriarchy at church” meant telling the Bishop he was going to hell because he wasn’t doing enough to promote “equality.”

“I really thought Jesus wanted equality more than anything else,” whimpered Brittany as she wiped old mascara off of her cheeks. “But then my three- and five-year-old demanded equality from me…”

Her two children, eager to exploit their mother’s obsession with equality, explained that each person in the home should have equal rights to choose their own bedtime.

“He said it was injustice that I get to pick my bedtime, but he couldn’t pick his,” explained Brittany as she rubbed her temples. “And if I didn’t let his little sister and him pick their own bedtimes, I was oppressing them.”

At the end of the interview, Brittany began crying and admitted that it might be possible that God values some things above equality.


Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.

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